Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Giving Up on Perfect

As a stay at home wife and mom for the past four years, I have struggled with the idea of being a perfect stay at home wife and mom.

Perfect 
adjective

  1. conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type: a perfect sphere; a perfect gentleman.
  2. excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement: There is no perfect legal code. The proportions of this temple are almost perfect.
  3. exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose: a perfect actor to play Mr. Micawber; a perfect saw for cutting out keyholes.
  4. entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings: a perfect apple; the perfect crime. 5.accurate, exact, or correct in every detail: a perfect copy.

Gag.

I've begun hating this word. Why? Because I struggle with this idea every.single.day. To the point where I find myself paralyzed and just can't move forward. Sound ridiculous? Maybe to some. To others, I bet you can relate.

I know my husband can relate. He sees me struggle with the idea of perfection every day. Every day. In fact, just this morning I had a bit of a breakdown because I needed him to take some time off work today to help me take one child to an unexpected doctor appointment so I could keep my own doctor appointment that was at the same time. It totally threw a wrench in his work plans, but as usual, he graciously said he could and would help. Then he reminded me that I don't have to be perfect. He's here to help me. It's part of being a husband and father. (I do love him so!)

I hate asking him to take time off to help. He already has missed a lot of work this year because of us (vacation, baby surgery, helping his ill father, etc.) We don't have any family here, we don't have a go-to person that can help us last minute with babysitting when things like this come up. (Yeah, yeah, I need to find someone. Easier said than done!) So, it's up to him to help out when I need it. I thank God daily that his employer is a big supporter of family-work life and as long as he gets his work done, it doesn't matter whether he's at the office or doing it at home. We are so very fortunate in that respect.

Pride
noun
  1. a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.
  2. the state or feeling of being proud.
  3. a becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or one's position or character; self-respect; self-esteem.
  4. pleasure or satisfaction taken in something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself: civic pride. something that causes a person or persons to be proud: His art collection was the pride of the family.
Remember I mentioned that I hate asking my husband for help? In my mind, I'm the housewife/mommy and he's the one that goes to work. So I should be able to clean, shop, do laundry, take care of the boys, teach them everything they need to know, be their chauffeur to school and appointments, and still have enough energy at the end of the day to be a perfect wife to my husband. All the while doing it all by myself. 

A bit prideful, huh?


I stumbled on a blog a few months ago. What caught my eye was the title, Giving Up on Perfect.  Reading her posts is like deja vu. She could be writing the thoughts and experiences that I deal with daily.

I find great comfort in her blog and it makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone in this quest for perfection. Her blog is an eye opener for me to give up on perfect. No one expects perfection out of me, except for me. It's unrealistic. It's prideful. It's wrong.

I don't know this person. I've not been asked to review her blog or make a plug for her. I've commented on some of her posts a few times and she's graciously responded. I just enjoy reading her posts, relating to her experiences, and realizing that I'm a work in progress on a daily basis.


I invite you to check out Giving Up on Perfect if you struggle with the idea of perfectionism like I do.